4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
