Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
