this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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