remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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