Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i think my tv is drunk
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize