let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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