Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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