I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
