wat bout pragnant strippers??
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
