I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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