i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
