do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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