now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize