I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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