Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
