The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
