Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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