One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
