Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
