I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
