Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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