Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
