How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
