South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
