So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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