What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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