Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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