is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
