I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
