We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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