Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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