She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
