we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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