He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
