Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
