i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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