I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
