Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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