I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
