We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
