i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He better not be in your backpack
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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