So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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