you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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