Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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