The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
