Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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