If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
