if only i could text you this smell
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We are two peas in an std pod
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
