Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
