Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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