I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
