happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize