Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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