he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
