Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
