Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
