Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
