come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
