Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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