When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
