I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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