Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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