i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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