'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize