You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
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