I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
