My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
