his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
