She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
