Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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