My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
