Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
