the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
