Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
