I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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